A few months ago, our church spent some time looking at the Enneagram. The Enneagram is like a personality test that allows folks to gain a deeper insight about who they are and how they are built. There are nine type of personalities in the enneagram, and I have discovered that I identify as type One – The Perfectionist.
As a Perfectionist, I like things to be done a certain way. Ones, in general, have a need to be right, do the right thing, and to live right. We avoid fault, blame, chaos, and disorder.
In their book The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective, Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert write, “The Apostle Paul was a one. He was a Pharisee. Ones were born Pharisees.”
I have a hard time thinking about Ones being connected to the Pharisees. After all, Jesus seemed to be pretty upset with them throughout Scripture. However, I can somewhat understand the motivations behind the Pharisees’ actions. The Pharisees are just trying to do what they think is the right thing. They are trying to maintain order in the midst of chaos. They are driven by their need to restore order and bring about perfection in an imperfect world. This is why Ones are often criticized for being critical of themselves and of others. They are driven by their need to “fix” things.
Recently someone told me that being a One is the hardest type to be. I don’t know how much truth there is to that, but I can understand why they said it. The defining characteristic of a one is the inner critic that they hear inside your head. “I’m not good enough. I need to be better. I need to be perfect.”
In his book Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden writes, “In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts.”
This inner voice forces Ones to constantly seek out “perfection” whatever that might be. This is a voice that Ones know all too well.
Perhaps my “One-ness” is what draws me so much to the United Methodist Church. As Methodists we believe in Christian Perfection.
Now, when we think of the word “perfection,” all sorts of things come to mind. We think about being flawless and being beyond reproach. We think about being like Superman and never making a mistake. When we think about being perfect, we think about someone who has their lives completely figured out and never makes a false step.
But this isn’t what John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement, had in mind when he spoke of Christian Perfection. Instead, Christian Perfection means that you have gotten to the point where you truly love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. And you truly love your neighbor as you love yourself (Matthew 22:37, 38). Christian Perfection is not something that we can work to attain on our own, but this is something that God does through us and even despite us.
Jesus calls us to be perfect as God is perfect, but this doesn’t mean that we need to fall into the trap of Perfectionism. Instead, God invites us to go on a journey where we become more and more like Jesus.
Ones sometimes need to be reminded that we are called to be perfect like Jesus, not “perfect” like the Pharisees.
So, may God work within our hearts and minds as we strive to love God and love our neighbors.
Ever wish you had more time in the day? Maybe you want that extra time to catch up on missed sleep. Exercise. Work. Laundry. Cleaning. Whatever the reason may be, I think we can all agree that there are plenty of times where we have said “there is just not enough time in the day.” I say and think this ALL the time! As I look toward the future and think about having a family I can’t even think about how parents must feel. There is barely enough time in the day to finish the things I need to do.
With all the things children are involved in today it amazes me that parents keep up with it all! Whether it be a sport, music lessons, rehearsals for plays/musicals, birthday parties, or if you have multiple things to be at or multiple kids to take to different places. Where is the time for YOU to connect with your child?
By now I’m sure you know we have adopted a new curriculum here at Keith Church! This is an exciting time for our children, parents, and volunteers. The Orange Curriculum has many things to offer and our favorite is that it provides an easy way to help our parents connect with their child’s faith. Orange understands that families are busier today then ever before! Orange is all about connecting parents at home (red) with leaders at church (yellow) with the same strategy and same end goal! What happens when you mix red and yellow together?
ORANGE HAPPENS!!
My hope for Orange and our parents here at Keith is that the Orange Curriculum help set the foundation of faith with his/her child and help connect parents with their child’s faith. There are a couple of things that will be available each week to help you connect with your child throughout the week.
“God times” is a great way to have a small bible study at home with your child. There are different Bible verses and a short devotion for each day of the week. “God times” engage each child on their level whether they are elementary or preteen age.
“Parent Cue” is another way to interact with your child throughout the week. There will be a different one each week with questions, conversation starters and a memory verse. Another way to connect with your child is by downloading Parent Cue App. You can find it free on the iTunes and Android store. Once you have the app it prompts you to put in your child’s information (it allows you to put in more than one child!). With this app there are weekly videos, more ways to reinforce the Bible verse of the week, questions and activities to engage in throughout the week. It also has a reminder of how many weeks you have before they graduate high school – a good reminder to enjoy and use the time you have now with your child.
In partnering with parents at home, we believe we can be more successful in building strong relationships and each child’s faith.
There was a time in my life where I questioned my purpose – not because I did not feel wanted or needed, but because I did not understand His plan for me. I can’t tell you I had a hard life. Or that I have had to overcome difficult circumstances, because growing up, life was easy. I had two parents who loved me unconditionally – still do (although they are grandparents now and say that is the best kind of love!). I went to school. I LOVED school!!! I graduated high school and started college the next semester.
Although I changed my major many times, music was always my constant. I started out as an undecided major but the pressure from peers asking what I was studying almost forced me to pick something. Pre-med was my first decided major, I thought if I can make it through all current seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, I could surely work in the medical field. . . Then found myself in an anatomy class and quickly found out that was not my cup of tea! Next was business. I took an accounting and an economics class and reaffirmed that I was TERRIBLE at math!! I then turned to music, thinking I can study music and I’ll be fine. I’ll have an answer to tell people what I’m majoring in and I’ll finish school!
Then came all the questions about what I would do with that degree – which I seemingly didn’t have the answers to! You see, what I didn’t tell you is that all along my parents told me I would be a teacher (it was in my blood after all!). I remember taking my first education class and coming out of it thinking “Wow! This is what I was meant to do!” I had my lightbulb moment – everything seemed to make sense! So my junior year of college I changed my major to music education. Which resulted in having two senior years (I was a fifth year senior, but better late than never!).
Fast forward a little, I graduated and started working full time at the restaurant I had been employed at through college. I did not get a job right out of college. A year rolled by, a job in our small town opened up so I applied. I was optimistic, excited, a ball of emotions! Two weeks before school started I found out I didn’t get the job.
I was crushed. Devastated. Confused.
I couldn’t understand how I had put all those years (and money!) into studying for something and still couldn’t find a job! I was questioning if I was actually meant to be a teacher. I found myself in the “valley of the shadow of death”. I didn’t understand how God would lead me in a direction and not reward me for listening.
A few weeks went by and I ran into a couple of former teachers of mine at the grocery. We caught up a little on life and they both mentioned that their church was looking for someone to be over their children’s ministry. I listened to them and thought to myself “I haven’t been to church since my sophomore year of college . . . other than the times we sang at a church”. Later that evening I received emails from both of my former teachers with information about the job and who to contact. Still unsure if this was what I was supposed to do I closed the email and decided to think on it for a day.
The next day I woke up and opened my computer to watch Netflix and the email popped up again. I read it again and decided to send my resume and see what would come of it. I don’t have to tell you that I was offered and accepted the job – because here I am working at Keith UMC.
But I do have to tell you that Keith church has changed my life. When I started working with children again, my life made sense. I have since taken a job teaching music at two of our city schools and am still working with the church.
When I tell you I am blessed beyond measure, I truly mean it! When I say my cup runneth over, it indeed does! I have the BEST job in the WORLD!! I get to love on children every day! I get to greet each and every one of them with a smile every morning as they enter the school! Some are sleepy, some are WIDE AWAKE, some are crying, some are laughing, some look like they didn’t get any sleep the night before, some are wearing the same clothes as yesterday, others are in brand new outfits. No matter the circumstance they live in, I get to show them love EVERY SINGLE DAY while they are here at school.
As I’m going through rules and procedures with each class, my focus is on being kind and loving all of our friends here at school. I follow this up by saying that we are all friends with each other. I tell them they are my friends and that I love each of them. I know some people might think I’m just excited because it’s my first year in the classroom but it is so much more than that! I’m no longer in the valley. God brought me out. He knew what the path for me was even when I couldn’t see it. I look and think about how I thought my life was terrible and I had no purpose when really God was at work in my life. I know it’s cliché to say “looking back, I now understand the reason that He let those things happen” but it is so TRUE! Gosh, it gets SO hard to understand things when you are still going through them, but keep walking! Keep your head up! You’ll soon find yourself out of that valley.
Psalm 23, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
God’s there. Whether you feel His presence or not, he’s there with you. He’s got you!
I have a good friend who struggles with anxiety and depression. She has a real medical condition that she has been prescribed medication to help treat. It is a real struggle that affects how she lives her daily life.
A few months ago, she attended a United Methodist Church in a neighboring Conference where the pastor preached on the passage where Jesus tell us, “Do Not Worry.” The pastor essentially said, “If you worry, then you are not a Christian.” He harshly condemned people who struggle with worry and anxiety, saying that those people have a lack of faith. He said, “If you worry or struggle with anxiety, then you don’t really trust God.”
I know someone else who struggled with the loss of one of his close friends who passed away. In fact, he was right by his friend’s side when he died. He attempted to give his friend CPR but was unsuccessful. As you might imagine, he had a hard time dealing with this deep sense of loss. He also had a hard time dealing with this traumatic experience. He felt guilty.
His parents suggested that he should go and see a counselor. They made an appointment with an older minister who ended up challenged my friend about his faith. “If you were truly a Christian,” the pastor said, “Then you wouldn’t be sad that your friend died. Instead, you would be happy because he is now in heaven.”
Wow. Really?
When my friends recounted these stories about these two pastors, it made my blood boil. I’m sorry, but I have to completely disagree with these two “colleagues” of mine.
Who said you have to be okay all of the time?
No one can be happy 100% of the time. We all have good days and bad days. We all experience ups and downs. You don’t have to act like everything is okay on the outside when it feels like your whole world is falling apart on the inside. Your feelings are your feelings. Let yourself feel.
When I experienced a deep loss of someone close to me who had died, the best thing that someone said to me was, “Whatever you are feeling, it is okay to feel that way.” In other words, “It’s okay not to be okay.”
These pastors who think you have to have it together all the time are just dead wrong. It makes me wonder, have they even read the Bible before? The Bible is full of stories of people who are inadequate and don’t have it all together. We can think of numerous examples of people in Scripture who experience deep pain and sadness, and that doesn’t mean that God can’t still use them. Scripture reminds us that you don’t have to have it all together in order to be in relationship with God.
God is with you, whether you are happy or sad. God is with you, whether you are experiencing faith or doubt. God is with you, whether you are on the mountain or in the valley.
God is with you, and God will meet you where you are. There is always hope that things will get better. God’s grace is always there to surround us and overflow in our hearts and minds.
Those who know that God summons the sun to rise are confident that, whatever tomorrow brings, it will also bring God with it.”
– Thomas G. Long, (Long Matthew 1997)
God is not going to leave us where God found us. There is hope for a future, because God moves and works in our lives all the time – But maybe right now you are in a place where it seems hopeless. And in the meantime, just remember…
I am honored to serve my second year as the Keith Church lay leader.
What exactly is a lay leader? An effective lay leader, as defined by the UMC Discipleship Ministries, functions as the primary representative and role model of Christian discipleship and faith lived out in the church and in daily life. The lay leader works with the pastor to fulfill the mission and vision of the congregation.
Another important function I fulfill is to serve as one of the two lay voting members of Keith Memorial UMC at the Holston Annual Conference; 2019 was a voting conference.
After devoting 2018 Annual Conference to orienting myself to the Holston Conference leadership and organizational structure as well as to the daily agendas, worship services, and business meetings, I arrived at the 2019 Conference, held June 9-12, eager to be participatory.
Pastors Dave, Andrew, and fellow laity Tim Womac and I met for a pre-conference briefing. We were eager to present our church offering of $1343 towards opioid recovery efforts as well as delivering our 92 health kits for residents of Zimbabwe, yet Pastor Andrew’s commissioning on Wednesday, June 12as provisional member was even more exciting. We also previewed the process of voting for delegates to General Conference 2020 and to Southeast Jurisdictional Conference 2020.
Tim and I prepared to vote for six lay delegates to General Conference (GC) and six for Jurisdictional, plus two alternates,from a slate of 28 nominated laity. Dave and Andrew would vote for their six clergy delegates to GC and six clergy delegates and two alternatesto Jurisdictional from approximately 600 Holston Conference clergy!
In advance of Annual Conference, the pastors, Tim and I received the Holston Conference Book of Reports, published annually, which includes official voting instructions along with brief biographies of the 28 laity nominated in advance of the conference. These biographies and photos of the nominees were very helpful as Tim and I deliberated.
The theme of the 2019 Holston Conference was Healing Hands, and our hands were very busily engaged praying, writing, applauding, greeting, cupped for Communion, and VOTING.
The Sunday afternoon Laity Session in Stuart Auditorium commenced with instructions on voting with pre-printed ballots to be read by a Scantron machine. Holston Conference opted for the public school testing standby in order for both laity and clergy to elect our General Conference delegates efficiently.
More nominees for Lay Delegates were made from the floor during the Sunday Laity Session, and twelve more laity were added to the 28 already nominated. Tim and I now encountered a slate of 40 potential lay delegates to pray for and discuss.
Voting commenced on Sunday evening following opening worship, where we listened intently to Bishop Taylor preach for Pentecost, “We gather more aware of the differences than ever before. God does not love us ‘if.’ God loves us, period, and God invites us to embrace that same love for all his children.”
Our first ballot vote, in which 543 valid lay votes were vast, resulted in no laity elected for GC although vote “leaders” emerged, several of whom had served the Holston Conference as lay delegates to the special called General Conference in February 2019.
Keith Church’s Rick Lay serves as our Hiwassee District Lay Leader, and he certainly experienced a fascinating first time as teller and counter of ballots. Laity ballot two, on Monday, resulted in no election, and finally in laity ballot three 24-year-old Emily Ballard was elected with 322 votes to be our first lay delegate to General Conference 2020 and to serve as the laity leader. On ballot four, Conference Lay Leader Del Holley was elected.
After three days and 13 total ballots, which included hundreds of ballots counted by hand as the Scantron machine “malfunctioned” on Monday, the laity elected all six of its representatives to General Conference by Wednesday, the final day of conference.
All 40 of the lay nominees remain on the ballot throughout voting. We were reminded multiple times to NOT vote for laity who had already been elected. As there is no “winnowing” of nominees, the voting process is lengthy and can become frustrating, but the process assures full representation of all 40 nominees. No nominee feels slighted or excluded from the voting.
The Jurisdictional voting process for six laity transpired more swiftly on Wednesday afternoon but was also multi-ballot. The Holston Conference elected two high school students to the Southeast Jurisdictional laity delegation, 17-year-old Reagan Kelly and 16-year-old Nate Roark, to serve along with four other lay delegates and alternates. And, of course, our congregation is very proud of our own Pastor Dave for his election to Jurisdictional as clergy.
Holston Conference leaders celebrated the election of a significantly younger delegation. A total 15 out of 26 delegates are 40 and under.
I mention the young representatives in particular as during my childhood in the UMC I did not witness youth or young adults in leadership positions. My adult professional life has centered on the education of adolescents and young adults, and I was filled with hope for the future of the UMC that the Holston Conference’s first elected lay delegate to GC 2020 is a young woman. I pray this inspires our youth and young adults to become more engaged in the life of Keith UMC as well.
Sydney Varajon, a young adult from our own congregation, served as an at-large lay delegate from the Hiwassee District and participated in all lay voting also.
During Del Holley’s Lay Leader Report, he implored us to “choose the path of devotion. Recommit yourself to sharing the good news of God’s love, claim the power of the Holy Spirit, that the Kingdom of God may come upon the earth.”
Tim and I are grateful that our clergy and congregation entrusted us with the privilege of representing you at 2019 Holston Annual Conference, and we are well pleased with the six lay delegates we participated in electing for GC 2020, who will comprise the 182 Southeastern delegates. General Conference 2020 will host 862 total laity and clergy delegates from the entire UMC.
The words of Revered Leah Burns from Second UMC of Knoxville resonated with me throughout conference: “My story is peace…not as the world gives, but as Jesus gives. Peace is what Jesus gives.”
(For UMC history buffs: Rev. George R. Stuart, for whom Stuart Auditorium at Lake Junaluska is named, married my husband Stuart’s 3rd great grandfather’s daughter Zollie Sullins. Rev. Dr. David Sullins was then president of Emory and Henry College. George R. Stuart is the origin of my husband Stuart’s first name. Stuart is not a direct descendant of Zollie but of her brother William Blair Sullins.)
It was great to be in the Gathering to share in worship this past Sunday. One of the songs that Josh and the band played was a song I’ve been hearing on the radio a lot these days. Andrew’s fiancé Ally sang it so beautifully and so poignantly on Sunday.
It’s a song that started out on the Christian radio stations and then crossed over to mainstream radio. I can hardly get in the car without hearing it come on the radio. I’ve even had the experience once of hearing it on two different radio stations at the same time! Maybe you’ve heard this song, too. It’s by a young woman named Lauren Daigle, and it’s called “You Say.”
A few weeks ago, I heard it again, and I began to wonder how it is that this song has become so popular, has crossed over from Christian to mainstream radio so successfully, and has gathered so much attention that Daigle was invited to perform her song on the stage of this year’s Billboard Music Awards.
And then I realized: it’s her lyrics. It’s the transparency, the vulnerability with which she shares her struggles to come to know who she is, to claim her worth, her identity:
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know
And that’s the moment when she unleashes the first “ooh-oh” of many in this song. These days, as soon as I start to hear the meandering piano part at the beginning of this song on the radio, I just go ahead and blurt out a big old hefty “OOH-OH!” much to the annoyance of my family members who happen to be in the car with me.
But who among us cannot relate to those voices in our own minds that try to tell us we’re not enough, that we’ll never measure up to somebody else’s (or even, or especially, our own) expectations of us? Who doesn’t wonder if our lives only amount to the grand total of the difference between the highs and the lows, the good days and the bad? As I shared with the youth at the conference youth assembly a couple of weeks ago, I’m 45 years old and I still fight those voices and wonder those same things.
Who among us doesn’t need to be reminded from time to time who we really, truly and most deeply are?
Then she kicks into the chorus:
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak You say I am held when I am falling short When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours And I believe, oh I believe What You say of me I believe
What powerful words! Read them again if you need to. Absorb them. Let them find their way into your heart so that you can believe them and trust them, too. Let yourself be the “I” who is loved even when you can’t feel it, who is strong even you’re weak, who is upheld when you’re falling down and beheld when you don’t belong.
And if you’re the “I,” then who’s the “You”? Who’s the “You” she’s singing to here in this song? Who’s the “You” who gets to say who you and I are? Do you see? It’s God! She’s singing this song to God. That means this song is a prayer. It’s a prayer to God. This song that has crossed over to mainstream radio and has won all these awards and was featured on the Billboard Music Awards program is a prayer. And whenever we sing it in the car, or in church, or in the shower or wherever, it’s a prayer then, too.
It’s a prayer for God to remind us who we are, especially when we are so prone to forget it.
The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity.
So, who is the only one who can tell us who we are? Is it all these voices in our minds? Is it all those voices out there in the world? Who gets to say who we are? The only one who gets to tell us who we are is the one who made us, the one who created us, the one who loves us, the one who saves us.
Statue of John Wesley in front of Wesley’s Chapel City Road in London, England
Twenty-two years ago, in July 1997, my mom and I went on a Wesley Heritage Tour of England and Scotland with my home church, First United Methodist in Marion, Virginia. Our pastor at the time, Rev. J.N. Howard and his wife Ella organized and led the trip, and several of the adults in the church I had long known and admired as Sunday school teachers, ushers, and leaders went as well.Mom wanted to go, and I was free that summer,so I offered to go along as her chaperone, you know, to make sure she behaved.
We visited such places as the home in Epworth where John and Charles Wesley were raised by their parents, Samuel and Susanna. We visited Lincoln College in Oxford where they began meeting together in small groups and were called derogatory names like “Bible-moths” and “Methodists” (for their methodical approach to study and fellowship). We visitedAldersgateStreet in London where John had his heartwarming experience that assured him of his salvation. We visited historic Methodist preaching houses like the City Road Chapel in London and the New Room in Bristol. And we visited several other sites of general interest, such as Westminster Abbey, St. Paul’s Cathedral,the Roman baths in Bath,and Stonehenge.The history of both Great Britain and Methodism came alive for me that summer!
It was the summer before I started seminary in Atlanta. Tracy and I had met that spring, and by July our relationship was blossoming into something more than mere friendship. As I read my journal from that trip, I remember calling her from various pay phones in our hotels where I had tokeepfeedingpound coins every so often to keep the connection. Obviously, the connectionwaskept!
Three years later, after Tracy and I were marriedin 2000, we took advantage of an opportunity that was available at the time for seminarians to come and serve a one-year appointment in the British Methodist Church, which had more churches to serve than pastors available to serve them. We were appointed toserve five churches on acircuit inthefarsouthwesternmostpart of England, in the county of Cornwall,in a town calledPenzance, which until then I didn’t realize was a real place. I thought it only existed in the imagination of Gilbert & Sullivan. Tracy and I quickly came to appreciate this area as rich inCeltic,Wesleyan and Methodist history.One of the churches I served was called Wesley Rock, as the pulpit was built upon a rock from which John Wesley preached when he visited there.
It was in the spring of our year over therein 2001that we learned I was to be appointed as the associate pastor here at Keith Church in Athens, Tennessee! It just so happened that the senior pastor at the time, the Rev. Dr. Stella Roberts and her husband Sam were leading a Wesley heritage tour very much like the one my mom and I had experienced. We arranged to meet up in Bath, and it was there I met some of myfutureparishioners, folks like Kate Bledsoe, Cindy Runyan, and Larry and Sarah Kerr. Stella and Sam have led several suchWesleyan heritagetours, including one this past spring, andthey haveimpacted the lives and faith of several people, just as these experiences have impacted my own life and faith.
This summer, you have an opportunity to have a similar experience of a Wesleyan heritage tour, though without having to take the timeaway from homeor pay the cost! For the next six weeks, Andrew and Iareleading a studyby theRev. Adam Hamilton called “Revival.”A few summers ago, Hamilton traveled with the samecompany as my mom and I did, andthisvideo studytakesus to some of these very same places that were so formative in the Methodistrevivalmovement– the rectory in Epworth, the collegegroundsat Oxford, the chapels in Bristol and London.I hope you will come along for this journey with us – Wednesdays at 6 and Thursdays at 11– and maybe you willexperience a heartwarming revival in your ownspirituallife and faith.
“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never – I promise – regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst” – Luke 6:35 (MSG).
Most people don’t have a hard time loving the people that look, think, and act like them. It’s easy to love the people who love you back. It can be incredibly hard, however, to love those that society deems as “unlovable.” In this post we will explore 5 ways to love the “unlovable.”
What does it mean to be “unlovable?”
The “unlovable” are people that are especially hard to love. This may be because of something that they have said. This may be because of how they have acted. This may be because of a crime that they have committed. Whatever the reason may be, the unlovable are the people in our lives that we have a hard time loving.
How am I supposed to love Dylan Roof after he killed 9 church members during a prayer service at Emanuel A.M.E. Church in Charleston, North Carolina?
How am I supposed to love Nikolas Cruz after he shot and killed 17 students and staff at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Lakeland, Florida?
How am I supposed to love Martin Shkreli after he committed fraud, embezzlement, and hiked pharmaceutical drug prices from $13 to $750 per pill?
How am I supposed to love the white supremacists who marched in Charlottesville, Virginia where James Fields drive his car into a crowd of counter-protesters killed Heather Heyer?
These are obviously extreme examples, but there may be people in your life that you have difficulty connecting with, getting along with, and loving. Take some time and think about the people in your own life that you might have difficulty getting along with or that you might deem as “unlovable.” Keep that person in mind as we explore 5 ways to love the unlovable.
1. Remember that God is Love
First, it is important to remember that all human beings are created in the Imago Deior the “image of God.” God created humankind by breathing life into the dust. 1 John 4:8 says that “God is love.” Furthermore, Jesus calls his followers to love God ANDto love your neighbor as you love yourself (Matthew 22:37). Christians have the opportunity to offer God’s love to the people that nobody else loves. When you come across someone who is difficult to love, it is important to remember that God calls us to the radical and difficult work of loving everyone, including our enemies. We don’t have to agree with everyone or condone evil behavior, but we are invited to share God’s love as we seek to live in peace with God and one another.
2. Prayer
Prayer is a crucial way to offer love to the people that you may have difficulty loving. Prayer is an opportunity for you to speak good things into the life of someone else. It allows you to speak good things in your heart and over time this may change the way you see that person. Make sure you pray for them, but also make sure you pray for yourself. Here is a hint: if you are praying “Lord, please change this person who is always getting on my nerves and make them better” then you are probably doing it wrong. Yes, prayer changes things, but perhaps the thing that needs to change the most is your own attitude.
3. Put Yourself in their Shoes
A great way to gain a deeper understanding of the person you have difficulty loving is by putting yourself in their shoes. Maybe that work associate that always snaps at you is going through a tough divorce? Maybe your neighbor who keeps playing loud music is dealing with an economic crisis? You don’t always know what folks might be going through in their private lives. Try putting yourself in their shoes and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Often times when people act ugly toward you it is because something else is going on in their life at home.
4. Find a Connection
One thing that holds people back from loving an “unlovable” person is that people think they don’t have anything in common – and if you get a democrat and republican together in the same room it may seem that way. But one great way to love someone that is difficult to love is by trying to find a connection with them. It can be anything – even something small! Once you have established some common ground it may be easier for you to communicate with that person. And who knows, you may begin to find more in common than you originally thought.
5. Love from a Distance
If the “unlovable” person is completely resistant to your efforts to reach out in love, then it is okay to remove yourself from the relationship. It is important to keep safe and healthy boundaries. After all, it takes two healthy people to form a healthy friendship. All you can do is reach out, but you cannot make someone equally return that friendship. You can, however, continue to love someone from a distance.
Remember that no one is truly unlovable. It’s not always easy to love people that we disagree with. It’s not always easy to love people who have committed heinous actions against others. You don’t have to condone their behavior, but Jesus says that you do have to love them.
Take some time this week and try out one or two of these recommendations on some of the people you deem as “unlovable.” My hope is that your heart would be filled with more and more love for God and your neighbor.
I spent one of the most fulfilling weeks in all of my years of ministry last week with the Holston Conference Youth Assembly at Emory & Henry College. One of Keith Church’s former youth directors, Laura Lambert McLean is now the director of youth ministries for the conference. Back in January, she invited me to be the speaker for this year’s Assembly. It was a joy for me to put together some messages about God’s grace and to share some personal stories of how I have experienced that grace in my own life. I also especially enjoyed sharing this week with our older son Noah.
On my first night of worship with the groups – they were divided up into junior high and senior high age divisions – I shared with them some of my reflections on the new Toy Story 4 movie. Our family watched the movie together last weekend, and it just seemed to fit in with the theme of that first worship service on how we are all created in God’s image and beloved by God.
If you haven’t seen the movie yet, don’t worry. I’m not going to spoil it (even though I will say beware the ventriloquist dummies!) But the main character Woody and some of Andy’s other toys are now with the little girl Bonnie, to whom Andy had given his toys in the ugly-cry ending of Toy Story 3. Now Bonnie is ready to start kindergarten. She wants to take a toy to school with her, but her Dad says there are no toys at school. Woody gets into her backpack anyway, and Bonnie’s off to school.
Pretty soon it’s craft time. With some help from Woody, she makes this toy doll out of a plastic spork – a combination spoon and fork – that he’d retrieved from the trash. She gives it red pipe cleaner arms. Wooden Dixie cup spoons for feet. Mismatched googly eyes. Little rubber band for a mouth. And she calls him Forky.
I immediately liked Forky. I used to have this pink rubber bendy spoon from the Baskin Robbins ice cream place with gangly arms and legs that I called Spoony. I used it when I taught at a tennis camp in college to teach the kids the correct stances and swings. I think BR still sells them.
But Forky doesn’t realize he’s a toy. He thinks he’s just a piece of trash. There’s this hilarious montage of scenes where he jumps in the trash can, and Woody immediately rescues him. He jumps in the trash again. Woody rescues him again. On and on. Again and again. But eventually Forky comes to realize that he’s more than a piece of trash. He’s a toy. And he’s not just any toy. He’s Bonnie’s toy. Bonnie created him herself, in her own image if you will. And she loves him. She looks for him when he’s lost. She sleeps with him under her arm. Bonnie loves Forky.
Here’s the thing I wanted these youth to know that very first night of our time together. I wanted them to come to the same realization as Forky, that they are not trash, that they are handmade by a loving God, in the very image of that God. That whether they realize it yet or not, they all bear some aspect of God’s character in their own lives.
Maybe it’s God’s creativity that is reflected in their own creativity. Maybe it’s God’s loving spirit that they reflect. Maybe it’s God’s generosity. Maybe it’s God’s concern for justice for those who are oppressed. Whatever it may be, every one of us reflects some aspect of who God is in who we are. That’s true of us. That’s true of everyone else, too. We are not trash. No one else is trash either. Everyone bears the image of God in some way or another.
I asked them, “you know you’re not trash, right?” And they nodded their heads that they did. And I hope they do, and I pray they’ll always remember that. Because the truth is that sometimes people can treat us like they think we are trash, disposable, dispensable. Sometimes we can treat others like we think they are trash. And sometimes we can treat ourselves like we think we might be trash, too. So maybe we need to be reminded from time to time that we are not trash, that we are all of us, every one of us, God’s beloved treasures, infused with the image and imprint of God’s very being, in whom God’s soul takes such great joy and delight.
So then we dipped our fingers in a shell bowl of water, drew a dripping sign of the cross on our foreheads and remembered with gratitude and thanksgiving that we are all of us baptized and beloved children of God. And then we went to have our evening snack. That was one of the absolute best things about Assembly – evening snacks!
We hope you enjoy this special presentation by our local historian Sally Ealy who spoke at the Heritage Museum during the History For Lunch Lecture Series. Below is a video of Sally sharing some of the history of Keith Memorial United Methodist Church and the Keith Family.
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